Bess Bell Kalb
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GOOD Magazine: A Guide to Living Like the 1% (On a 99% Budget)

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Follow this handy guide and we guarantee you’ll realize there is virtually no difference between an über-wealthy lifestyle and your wretched, student- loan-bedraggled existence! Leave your unpaid bills and untreated medical conditions far, far behind. All the adventures and accoutrements of the 1 percent are at your grubby, calloused fingertips

Wired Magazine: Music: How Weezy and Kanye West Returned From Exile

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This year, our mercurial society punished Kanye West and Lil Wayne for acting on the very impulses that made them celebrated rap superstars. West, self-appointed Voice of His Generation and crown-of-thorns accessorizer, was immediately shunned after also appointing himself the omnipotent arbiter of music-video worthiness... read more


Wag's Revue: Louis C.K.: Defender of Women

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The comedian Louis C.K., star of FX’s Louie, is a big ol’ lumbering schlub with a perennial sweat sheen coating his patchy ginger scalp. He talks masturbating with religious fervor. He muses about anatomically problematic arrangements of genitalia. He called his bright-eyed five-year old daughter a “fucking idiot.” In the next few paragraphs I will ask you to consider that this man—this pasty ogre—is a raging feminist, subversively recasting notions of men who celebrate women.
Anyway, goodbye, readers!
Hello, skeptics and editor and Mom!


GQ: In Honor of America's Hero Rip Torn, The Most Hilariously Inept Bank Robberies in History

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If movies are right, bank robbers are the coolest. They look like Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt and Clive Owen. They use lasers and explode things and seduce un-seducible women. They're so criminally righteous,... read more February 3, 2010

GQ: Wine: Healthy or Deadly? MAKE UP YOUR MIND, SCIENCE.

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We've always maintained that science should be ignored on the subject of wine. Scientists, after all, are tyrannical flakes governed by whim and caprice and God complexes. In these first couple months of 2010 alone, men in white coats have determined that wine is useless (Pfizer) and life-preserving (the British). It's no wonder that over the that over the past ten years, the consensus as to whether wine is incredibly good for us or incredibly bad for us can be represented by this timeline of manic peaks and crashes: read more... March 2, 2010 

Tumblr: The Unit

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Voicemail, Grandmother, 7:00 AM: “Bessie, if you ever finally find a lipstick that actually, certifiably looks good on you, buy twenty of them. If it gets discontinued - and it always does - you’ll never forgive yourself. Ever. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. [Beat] Do they have a Bloomingdales in San Francisco? Is it very small?”


Twitter: Jenny Holzer, Satirized

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Bio BEING JUDGMENTAL IS A SIGN OF LIFE

NO VEGAN IS FUNNY... PASSWORDS ARE RITUALIZED REMINDERS OF OUR FORMER SELVES... SOYBEANS ARE HONORARY MAMMALS... EXFOLIATION IS AN ACT OF DESPERATION... THE EXISTENCE OF THE SOCK PROVES THE INADEQUACY OF THE SHOE... MAN HAS TRIUMPHED OVER THE LOBSTER

Blog: Hipsters in Masterpieces

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Scour the Internet!  Find masterfully-wrought hipsters!  Send them to hipstersinart@gmail.com!  Include your name and last initial!  Also!  Identify their modern-day descendants for an amusing visual pun.  Together, we can create a virtual gallery for art history’s disaffected, be-moustached, parent-subsidized scenesters of yore.